^28sep2011^

bloggy,

today is 28 sep & u know wut this date means??

its already a month i didnt hear his voice,meet him or even hear news about him...

to tell u the truth, i really really really miss him,bloggy..!!!

really MISS him!!!

ko tau pa aku rs,bloggy??

aku rs cm nk m'jrt nma dia smpi ati aku puas...

aku rs mcm nk menangis smpi ati aku puas...

aku rs cm nk jmpa dia smpi aku puas...

aku tau,knp aku kena bt diri aku merana jz bcz of dat stupid guy,rite??

tp aku nk bt cmne bloggy...

ni soal ati & prasaan...

aku dh cuba,bloggy...

aku cuba utk lpakn dia..

aku cba utk lawan prasaan ni...

aku cba cri cara utk aku luangkn msa aku so aku x kn ingt pape psl dia...

tp apa sj aku bt,ke mna sj aku p,bygn dia sntsa b'main dlm otak pkrn aku...

apa lg yg harus aku bt bloggy??

guess wut??

i start to smoke again,ok...

yes,i know that it doesnt help me but wut am i supposed to do??

mcm td,yes aku kuar ngn kekwn aku tgk wyg tp bla dh abes tu aku sntsa pndg blkg...

ko nk tau knp??

sbb setiap kali lps aku abes tgk wyg ngn dia,dia akn pstikn yg aku sntsa ngn dia...

dia akn pstikn yg aku x kn jauh dr dia...

dia akn pstikn yg aku sntsa dicc dia,bloggy...

terlalu banyak bloggy kenangan aku ngn dia...

wlpn bru sebln ktowg lost cntct tp aku rs mcm dh sethn...

bloggy,no aku 0129264909 msh aku aktifkn tp kalo ada owg cll or msg aku xkn response...

sbb aku menantikn msg & cll dr dia..

bodohkn aku!???!!!!

ko rs kn,dia akn cll aku x??

np laa aku ni bodoh sgt,bloggy??

np aku stl tnggu dia??

np aku stil m'hrp pd dia??

i will remember this date till da end,bloggy...

evry 28 of each month,i will count..

i juz hoping that he will call me one day & tell me that how much he misses me...

even though that will hurts me...

~17sept2011~

bloggy,

u wana noe how my feeling rite now??

i hv no feeling...

i dont feel anything...

all i know now,i want to scream,cry & die...

can i,bloggy??

actually bloggy,

i do feel epy today cz i meet him..

not juz meet,evn chit chat with him...

wlpn dlm ati ni sbnr e teringn sgt nk plk dia,kiss dia..

i really missed our old r/ship,bloggy...

i felt like he hiding me something & mayb that the reason he avoiding me...

bloggy,fyi i had heard from my fren that he already married but i dunno wether its true or not...

mmg aku nk tny dia,tp aku tkt t'slh ckp plk nnt...

ati aku b'blh bgi laa bloggy...

i do love him but im afraid if he knows bout it,he will ignore me..

avoid me all the time,im also afraid of losing him like i lost the guy before...

even dow i cant hv him 8least i can still meet him & talk with him...

im afraid of  everything bloggy...

today will be always in my mind...

even dow the chit chat its not that im hoping for but its fine with me...

ada jgk laa gurau senda mnja dia ngn aku...

trust me,bloggy i will remind this moment...

owh bloggy...

i harap aku ada semangat utk tmph sumer ini,bloggy...

 dear,

i dunno how & when but one thing that i want u to know...

im already in love with u....

im afraid of losing u...

i missed our old relationship...

^hati ni memberontak^

hi bloggy,

guess wut??

dis week,i spent my quality time on my off & rest day at home..

even my frens ask me out,i rejected..

i dunno why,mayb i need to relax at home..

tp bla dk umh 2 ari ni,aku jd mcm owg x btl plk...

aku kebnsn,rs sunyi,keseorgn...

mgkn slma ni bla aku off & rest day,ada jee xtvt aku ngn dia kn..

all of sudden,while im resting at home watching tv i feel soo lonely...

i felt like want to scream,want to cry... =(

bloggy,

do u think he already forgot me??

i think he did...

fyi bloggy,i did miss called him but no return from him..

mayb he can figure that it was from me...

does he realize that what he had done really hurt me??

does he realize that i am more suffer than him??
does he realize it,bloggy??

i really wish he read this:

Abg,knp abg bt sy mcm ni lg skali??

knp abg lukakn ati sy utk kali yg ke4??

knp abg x bnh je sy,so sy x kn menderita smpi mcm ni skali..

luka & parut yg lps pn blm smbh lg,abg tmbhkn luka sy lg...

luka sy kali ni lbh dlm,abg..

luka sy kali ni lbh sakit...

sakitnya shgga sy x t'tnggng!!!

sy dpt rskn,abg mst ngh bhgia skunk kn??

sy dpt rskn abg mst ngh gelak ketawa ngn fmly abg skunk kn??

sy dpt rskn abg mst dh lpakn sy kn??

kalo abg msh ingtkn sy,mst abg akn cba cll sy,tp 1 call dr abg pn sy  xdpt..

ye,mmg sy dh tkr no hp tp bla sy on,xdr pn msg miss call...

abg,setiap ari abg b'main di pkrn sy..

sy sntsa t'tny2 pa abg ngh bt,abg dh mkn lum,mcm ne kedaan abg lps xcdnt ari tu...

mmg sy sndri yg antr msg ari tu jgn cri sy lg tp sy x sgka yg abg akn bt mcm tu skali....

sy cba kuatkn dri sy utk lpakn abg,utk lpakn pa yg kta dh lalui tp gagal abg...

sy x t'dya,sy kalah,sy x kuat...

ati sy m'berontak utk cll abg sb ati ni terlalu rndukn suara abg...

pa slh sy abg shgga abg sggp bt sy mcm ni skali??

x ckp ke msa sy slma 4 thn kta b'sma sy bg hny utk abg??

x ckp ke p'hatian sy slma 4thn kta b'sma hny utk abg??

abg,setiap pkra yg kta lakukan b'sma slma 4thn sntasa b'main dlm otak sy...

pa yg plu sy bt utk lpakn sgla2 e??

tolong sy,abg!!!

used to be.

hi bloggy...

bru ingt nk drop by semlm tp sowi laa..

kwn aku ajk tmn dia tdo umh dia...

dia dk sesorg..

kesian dier....

bloggy,

aku rndu dia sesgt...

telmpau rndu,bloggy...

aku msh tngu cll n sms dr dia wlpn aku tau dia x kn...

aku msh m'hrp,bloggy...

mcm ne bloggy?

mcm ne aku nnk lpakn dia kalo setiap saat bayangan dia sntsa b'men dlm fkrn aku??!!

aku cba,bloggy...

tp pa sj aku bt,kt mna sj aku berada,aku msh m'hrp dia akn cll aku or sms aku...

aku tau aku bdoh sbb msh m'hrp wlpn aku tau pd hakikat e dia dh pn lpakn aku..

mggu ni dh msk 2mggu aku x dpt pape brita dr dia...

ada jgk aku on blk simkad lma aku tp xdr pape pn..

kalo ada pn sume e dr kekwn aku...

hp dia pn dia matikn,aku try cll ari tu xdpt..

am i stupid bloggy??

am i stupid bcz stil LOVE that kind of guy aftr wut he had done to me????

wut am i suppose to do den??/

run away??

owwhh bloggy...

wut should i do???

this song i dedicated to him...abg,sy akn sntsa m'jga ati sy...

unbelievable,unexpected

bloggy....

act kn,aku ada brita yg mkengjt utk ko..
aku ngn dia dh pts..ni btl2 e pts  tau...
bkn e men2 mcm dlu,bkn e sekdr ckp je pts tp seyesly mmg dh pts...
ya,aku tau....aku ptt ptskn hbgn ni dh lma kn...
tp ko pn tau kn bloggy...
ssh bg aku,ssh!!!
tp skunk tdk lg,bloggy...
aku dh btl2 nekad yg aku nk tmtkn hbgn ni sblm keadaan jd makin terk..

u know wut,bloggy..
him xcidnt,odw him & her odw blk melaka...
supposely,him blk nilai mlm tu but since him & her ada hal nk sttle kn psl kdi dowg so dowg trs blk mlaka....
2 ari lps tu,aku dpt cll dr kwn him yg him xcdnt...
mau x jth rsa jntng ni,bloggy...kwn him pn ada psn yg hp no aku ada parents him so means that all the msg(s) yg aku bg kt him kemgknan bsr parents him dh bca,btl x?/!!
dr ctu aku dh nmpk yg plbgi rintangan dlm r/ship ktowg..
b4 things getting worse,bttr aku step back...

no bru sume aku dh bli,juz tngl nk tkr je..
aku tngu smpi nk rya sbb aku tau him ttp akn cll aku..
n guss wut??sgkaan aku tpt..
him cll aku a week b4 nk rya & mlm raya aku dpt msg dr him which stated that him x dpt hbgi aku bt wktu t'dkt,n dia mnta maaf ats sgla yg dh b'lku...den aku reply trs aku ckp jgn cri aku lg,hbgn ni tmt...
after that aku trs tkr no...ada laa jgk aku try on simkad tu tp x der 1 pn cll or msg dr dia...
plg last aku on simkad tu td,aku antr sms kt dia...aku mmg nk pthkn simkad tu tp aku x t'dya,bloggy...
ye,aku tau..aku ptt bt cm gtu utk lpakn dia...tp bg aku msa bloggy...
mgkn aku akn ambl msa yg agk lma kali ni sbb aku hrs lpakn dia bt selma2 e...
dia jgk kemgkn x dpt cll or sms aku lg..
im done,bloggy!!!
im done!!!!!

to him,

abg,ampunkan slh slp sy,halalkn mkn mnm sy abg...abg,ptma skali sy ingn mhn maaf ats sgla2 e,dr mula kta knl smpi laa ke hri ni..sy tau abg mkst t'kjt ngn cra sy kali ni tp sy t'pksa abg..keadaan kta yg memksa sy bt keptsn mcm ni...sy sygkn abg,sy sygkn hbgn kta tp sy xdr plhn len...seblm keadaan jd lbh krh,trk lbh baik sy undr dri...sy hrp abg phm keadaan sy..
abg,pd mlm kta jmpa sblm abg grk amk dia ati sy brt nk lpskn abg..sy rs seolah2 p'jmpaan kta mlm tu merpkn kali t'akhr kta akn jmpa tp sy lwn..sy cba pkr positif tp malangnya,ia m'jd kenyataan abg...sy x sgka,mlm tu mrpkn kali t'akhr kta jmpa..bla sy dpt cll dr zaino psl abg xcdnt tn hp ada kt abh mummy,sy dh nmpk yg kali ni kta kna tmtkn hbgn ni jgk...sy dh x sggp nk hadapi ni sume...sy dh x lrt nk tngng ni sume...
abg,setiap malam,setiap msa,setiap detik slma 4 thn sy setia menunggu abg,sms ato pn cll..wlpn sy tau penantian sy hny sia2..sy x ksh pa juga rintangan sy ttp akn tnggu aslkn sy dpt dgr suara ato pn brita dr abg..sy tolak ketepikn maruah sy ngn kuar ngn abg,spent time ngn abg wlpn sy tau sy x dpt pape..ampr 4 thn hdp sy hny utk abg,msa sy hny utk abg wlpn sy tau sy x kn memiliki abg tp tu sume sy x amk pdli abg aslkn abg brda dicc sy...ya,mmg sy t'kilan ngn jwpn2 abg bla sy tny abg pnh x abg t'pkr nk sehdp semati ngn sy..dr ctu sy dpt menilai syg & cinta abg pd sy...ya,sy tau abg syg sy,sy jgk tau abg jga sy tp abg x cintakn sy spt sy syg & cintakn abg...
abg,sy x slhkn abg..sy pn ada slh jgk..sy nk ucpkn bebyk tima ksh ats jagaan abg slma ni,tima ksh ats syg abg yg abg pinjamkn pd sy...tima ksh bebyk,sy btl2 hrgai nya...
akhr kta dr sy,jga dri...sy sntsa akn doakn kebhgiaan abg ngn akk....jga akk bebaik ok...

SELAMAT TINGGAL MOHD AZRY 

~~the end~~~

will misses him

will misses all the memories

akhr e...

bloggy!!!!!!!!!!

akhr yee aku lauhkn jgk prasaan aku pd dia...

ahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaaa....

ble x aku nk gelak guling2 smpi aku puas????

aku trasa bodoh,bloggy...

nk tau knp??

sbb aku ble luahkn prasaan pd mamat yg bernama 'M' bkn nma sbnr tu...

aku pn  xtau knp aku ble luahkn prasaan aku pd dia..

act aku juz ske je kt dia,bkn e smpi loving bgi...

x ok!!!!

aku suka dia sbb prngi dia yg cool...

aku suka dia sbb pnrgi dia yg slumber...

tu yg bt aku suka dia...

bloggy,ble diktakn rmi mamat india tpt aku kje tu aku rpt ok...

dr yg bernti kje,diberhntikn kje & smpi laa yg stl kje smpi skunk...

sbb dowg x ksh...

gmble jee..xksh aku mcm ne,dowg ble accept aku seada e..

bla ngn dowg aku jd dri aku yg sbnr e..

aku bebas,bloggy...

x plu nk cvr2,aku dri aku sbnr bla ngn dowg...

nth laa bloggy...

mgkn jgk aku ni cpt prasan kt...

ahahhhahahahahaaaaa..... =)

malu aku tau,bloggy bla aku sbt aku sbnr e ske dia dr dlu lg tp aku tau laa spa laa nk kt owg mcm aku ni kn....

meh laa gelak skali ngn aku...!!!!!!!

geli pert aku tau...

tp x pala...layan jelaa...

aku juz ckp aku suke dia,x ckp aku syg dia ok!!!!!

2 pktaan & mksd yg berbeza tu....

k laa bloggy...

aku kn tdo sbb aku kje pg sat ni....

nanyte...

muahhxxx... love u,blogy!!!

terasa diri ini ditipu

hi bloggy...

sowi ler semlm yek,aku kepentn sesgt...

bloggy,

ko ingt x aku pnh cta kt ko psl ada mamat luah prasaan kt aku tru sms tu?

yup,bdk tpt kje aku...

aku rskn bloggy dia juz ckp je,x serious pn ngn pa yg dia ckp & luah kt aku...

kalo btl dia nk tkr nma hbgn ktowg from "frendship" to "lovers",dia akn bktikn yg dia  btl2 serious,btl x??

seleps je kejadian aku jmpa f2f ngn dia & asked wut his problem was,act aku nmpk dia mula lyn aku mcm dlu tp aku yg mula sms dlu,aku yg mula cri dia dlu,aku yg p kt tpt dia,x mcm sblm ni...

bkn laa seblm ni dia slalu kt tpt kje aku & cri aku tp dia dtg kt area kje & cri aku laa...

dia pn x sms aku,or evn cll aku...

aku cba pkr positif yg dia semmg e bkn seorg yg express his love towards dat person...

tp nth laa bloggy...

ada jgk aku sms dia tny tu ni & suddenly,dia ckp dia ngh drve & nnt dia sms aku blk tp smpi laa keeskn ari e,nop...

no sms or call frm him...

kalo btl laa dia bkn jns yg menunjukkn prasaan dia tp x kn laa dia x ingin lgsg tau pa yg terjd pd aku or pa yg aku bt on dat day at all???

kalo btl laa dia bkn jns yg tau meluahkn prasaan dia tp x kn laa dia x nk aku lgsg tau pa yg dia rs pd aku??

kalo btl dia nk aku,x kn laa dia x tkt kalo aku dirmps by other person,& if that happen x kn laa dia nk biar kn pkra tu berlaku???

kalo dia setkt nk main2kn prasaan aku,guess wut??

dia berjaya ok!!!

dia berjaya sbb aku dh mula ada prasaan pd dia...

dia berjaya sb aku dh mula cares him..

lg bgs dia x ckp or sentuh pkra ni lgsg sbb aku tkt aku akn ignore dia & our frendship will break off juz bcz of dis stupid problem which i really hate!!!

i am very disappointing!!!!!!!

dear,wut happen??!!

helo..helo...
bloggy,i dont know wut to do now...
im stuck...
do u think wut ive done to him by sms-ing & clled him really bother him??
do u think by doing that,really annoyed him??
cz i sms & clled him but no response,bloggy...
dont ask me why bcz i dont know!!!

kalo x slp aku,last dia reply msg aku msa aku 1st day kje & dia last day kje...
aku juz tny dia kt ne & dia ckp yg dia dh grk blk den aku ckp "mayb we should forget it"...
dat da last word i said to him...
is it bcz wut ive said make him think dat im done be fwen wit him??
tp x ble ke dia pkr,kalo btl aku dh xnk kwn ngn dia,knp aku stl sms & evn clled dia evryday...
can't he think of dat??
kalo ko nk tau,bloggy...
semlm(20may) aku cll dia gna no mak aku & dia angkt ok...
dia ckp xdr pape & dia akn sms aku bla dia bgn nt...
but till now,i didnt get any sms or cll frm him saying wana c & discuss about us...
bkn laa aku m'hrp pn nk jmpa dia tp aku juz nk dia xplen kt aku & bg aku phm knp dia bt mcm ni??

aku rs cm nk m'jrt jr...
aku rs mcm ni je p kt dia & tarik dia & paksa dia xplen kt aku...
tp aku x brani nk bt sb aku tkt blm smpt aku jmpa dia,dia akn lri...
aku jgk tkt aku x dpat trima knytaan yg dia sbnr e cba elak dr jmpa aku..
mmbr aku ckp yg dia mmg nk cba m'elak dr aku tp aku cba pkr +ve...
setiap ari,bloggy pkra ni bermain kt kpla otak aku ni...
aku pn x tau knp pyh bebenar aku nk lpakn psl hal ni..
ni aku bru je cek fb dia & dia bru je update status semlm..
tp msg aku dia x reply pn..
aku nk bt cm ne lg kalo evn aku sms,cll or msg on fb dia x reply..
kemgknan pa yg kwn aku ckp ada btl ee jgk...
aku ptt pkr mcm tu kn sbb kalo x,nnt aku akn mendrita sndri...
aku sbnr e x dpt tima kenyataan yg bhw aku ngn dia jd mcm ni juz sbb perselisihan phn ant aku n dia..
aku cba nk btlkn blk kekalo aku ada bt slh tp kalo sume sms & cll aku,dia snyp aku nk bt cm ne lg..??

bloggy,plz help me!!!!
aku x tau r nk bt pa dh...
apa bnr dia sbnr e nk m'elak dr jmpa aku??
tp kalo e pn dia nk bt g2,aku merayu sesgt spy dia straight4ward je psl hal ktowang...
mula2 dia ckp mcm ni,lps tu mcm tu plk...
aku buntu,bloggy!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::mistake::

morning bloggy!!!
ya,its stl early & i woke up damn early...
ni mak aku ada bt kndri skt,tu yg aku bgn awl...
sume spupu sepapat aku dh ada kt umh semlm lg,dowg tdo sni semlm...

aku dh dpt jwpn ats sume soklan2 yg bermain dlm kpla otak aku ni...
pa yg berlku pd dri aku skunk bkn slh sespa tp slh aku sndri...
mmg kesume e slh aku...

1. aku mdh pcya pd owg yg meluahkn prasaan ske ato syg nya pd aku.
2. aku mdh pcya yg owg tu akn sntsa dcc aku.
3. aku mdh pcya kata2 manis seorg lelaki.
4. aku mdh pcya ngn kta2 lelaki tu tnpa berfkr sma da apa yg dia ucpkn btl ato x.

knp ni sume berlku pd aku,blogy??
sume belku dlm sekelip mta je...
2 pkra berlku dlm 1 msa...
aku x kuat utk m'hdpi ni sume,bloggy..

semlm ( 16may) aku b'gdh lg ngn ery...
aku mngaku pa yg berlku semlm ada slh aku jgk tp olh sbb ati aku dh terlmpau skt,aku terikt2 ati aku ni smpikn ktowg gdh trk...
kalo aku x bt g2,sume ni x kn berlku...
aku tau aku slh tp aku tlmpu EGO utk mnta maaf sbb aku nk biar dia rs mcm ne prasaan aku slma ni...
aku tau aku slh tp EGO aku ni melrg aku utk mnta maaf sbb aku nk dia sntsa menyalkn dri sndri ngn pa yg dh berlku...
aku tau aku kejam,bloggy...
aku tau aku terlalu kejam & aku x ptt bt mcm tu...
tp bla ati aku skt,aku merana,aku tngung sume kesktn,aku tngung sume pndgn hina owg rmi ada dia tau??
ada dia bt sesuatu spy aku x m'hdpi ni seorg dri???
x,bloggy!!!!
slma 3 bln aku bgn sndri ngn bntuan kekwn aku...
slma 3 bln aku kuatkn blk semngt aku utk trskn hdp aku...
slm 3 bln aku jlani khdpn aku ngn ati yg ksg...
aku dh x sehappy dlu,hdp aku kosong bloggy...
hdp aku kosong tnpa seorg lelaki pn  slma 3 bln...
tp tnpa aku sdr,dia sntsa memerhatikn aku...
tnpa aku sdri,dia jgk merana wlpn x setrk aku...
tnpa aku sdri,dia jgk skr utk melpskn & merelakn pemergian aku...
sbb tu jgk dia cri aku blk...
aku x tau pa yg tersirat dlm ati aku,bloggy...
aku x tau pa aku plu bt lg...
aku msh sygkn dia...
terlalu skr utk aku lpakn pa yg pnh ktowg lalui...
4thn,bloggy...
4thn aku hadapi hdp aku,ssh sng aku ngn dia...
skunk aku hny meluahkn prasaan aku pd ko smbl aku menitikkn air mta aku tnpa hnti...
hny cra tu sj blh btkn aku tng...

ko stl ingkn yg aku pnh cta kt ko ada one guy mnt kt aku??
nk jdkn aku as his life partner??
ko rs apa dia seyes ato sj nk menkn prasaan aku??
kalo ko tny aku,aku akn jwb aku x tau...
at 1st yes,aku agk pcya yg apa dia ckp tu tp lps aku uji dia 2 ari ni aku dpt rckn ada kemgknn bsr dia sekdr bergurau...
nth laa bloggy....
apa aku ni bodoh sbb mdh pcya ngn pa dia ucpkn??
apa aku ni bodoh sbb me'anggp setiap pktaan yg dia ucpkn tu ada bnr???
i think i am STUPID,bloggy!!!!
he asked me to take mc,but when i dh amk dia cnxl nk jmpa...
no wndr a day before tu dia ajk aku beria2 utk jmp...
knn rndu tp nth btl ato x bloggy!!!
blm ada pape,dh 3 kali dia cnxl plan...
pdhl aku ni dh laa jns yg pntg owg cnxl plan...
dia evn ckp yg dia akn sntsa dicc aku & da most important is he said dat he LOVE me!!
is it can be trust???

bloggy,
u wana noe wut had hapen to me??
i feel like im da stupid human being in this world rite now...
i feel like i've born to live own my own without human being named MAN...
i feel like i wana scream & go far away from any1...
i think i should stop thinking about r/ship wit guy for a moment...
i hv to focus more on my work...
if there is a MAN for me,it will be...
from now on,i hv to set on my mind dat all MEN is da same...

and bout HIM,if he LOVE me he will search for me evn at the end of WORLD....

what should i do???

owh,bloggy....
apa hrs aku bt???
kplaku bersrbt psl hal ni...
why is so hard to forget wut i had been through wit him??
why is so damn hard to stop loving him??
why is so difficult to accept that he will never be mine??
why is so damn difficult to tell him to go far away from me & stop finding me???

i suffered bcz of him
i cried bcz of him
i like dead fish bcz of him
im not who i am bcz of him

WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW & HOW AM I GONNA DO???!!!

before ko pkr yg bkn2 psl aku,hal ni x dr kna mgna ngn lelaki yg aku cta kt ko tu e...

dis prob act is about the old r/ship wit the marry man,ok...

ya!!!ya!!!!i know,aku x septt e accept & bt keptsn utk be together wit him again afte wut had happen..

but aku nk bt cm ne,bloggy...

u noe my feeling towards him rite...

i am trying to be fren with other guy but its hard for me to let him go....

even msa perpshn ktowg pn i njoy goinh & hanging out wit my fwen but my mind stl to him...

i dont noe,bloggy....

i dont know!!!

wish dat evrythng in this qoute is true!!!

Ku Ingin Selamanya

blogy,
dis songs i dedicated to him...
(-_-)

aarrrgghhhhh!!!!

sorry sbb bt ko terkjt ngn jeritan aku tp aku tension sesgt....
its about him again....
aku x tau laa bloggy...
knp aku skt ati sesgt ngn pa yg dia bt../???
mula2 msa kt ctr ari tu seblh2 sh aku mc sbb nk kuar...
bla aku dh mc,cnxl e sbb dia ada hal nk bt kt umh...
semlm(15may) pn sma jgk...
jnji nk amk aku dr kje tp x pn...
k x pa la...
aku diam kn lg tp bla aku dh set kpla otak aku ni sh mc so xdr r mood aku kn nk kje ari ni...
pa lg,trs mc laa aku kn...
mmg mls laa aku nk kje ngn xdr mood..
kg x psl2,sume pax kna marh ngn aku...


aku x tau r bloggy knp aku ni sng sgt pcya ckp laki kn..
mudah pcya & mdh cair bla ada laki ckp dia sygkn aku,skekn aku la....
bodoh ee aku rc....
aku rc bttr aku bt x tau je dlu...
biar dia yg cri aku...
cummon yna,i noe can do it...
chaiyokk!!!!!!..

knp aku hrs berprasaan begiru??

hi bloggy,
sht ke??rndu aku x??aku pn rndu ko..
haakx..


act kn ada bnda aku nk kgc ngn ko ni,...
aku nk tny ko soklan ble x??
x la byk tp ble thn laa jgk..
-kalo kwn rpt ko tpu ko,apa ko rc??
-kalo kwn rpt ko,tpu ko sbb dia nk jga prasaan ko,apa ko rc alsn e bnr??
-apa ko akn bt setrs e??
-apa ko akn ptsk p'shbtn ato ko ttp trs kwn cma ada jurang ant e??

aku x tau bloggy...
tp yg psti ati aku terlampau skt & aku btl2 trasa ngn pa yg dia dh bt kt aku...
mgkn ada bnr e yg dia x gtau aku sbb dia srba slh...
dia ckp dia x ajk aku sbb dia srba slh tkt aku trasa yg aku x dpt p...
sbb ke mna shj aku p,aku sntsa ajk dia..<-- tu la alsn dia...
nth la bloggy...
aku hrp alsn e bnr & aku btl2 arp yg aku ble tima alsn dia...
bkn laa aku ckp aku x ble nk tima alsn dia,cuma aku x sgka yg dia sgp bt aku mcm ni..
aku btl2 terkilan bla aku tgk gmbr dia ngn kekwn dia yg len...


huh??aku JELES??!
x der laa...
megrt je ko ni...
aku x jeles,tp aku terkilan sbb aku memkrkn knp hrs dia tpu aku??
knp dia x trs trg sj ngn aku???apa dia dpt ngn menipu aku,btl x??
aku cba cri alsn sndri utk mnyenangkn ati aku tp aku x dpt jwpn e...


bloggy,kalo ko nk tau....
aku ttp tnggu pnjlsn dr dia k dr mula aku tau..
kalo aku  ni btl2 kjm,dr awl aku tau aku dh bt something...
aku akn ptskn p'shbtn ktowg tp aku x sggp sbb aku syg dia sebg seowg abg,seorg sahabt & aku masih respect p'shbtn ktowg...
aku x tau nk bt pa lg bloggy...
aku sedey,aku terkilan aku trasa...
aku dh maafkn dia tp aku x ble accept ngn pa yg dia dh bt,tu je...

::im stuck::

hello my deary bloggy, how r u??me??as usual,fine + great = migraine..huhuheuehee...

ok2,i stop by bcz i hv something to share wit u,my dear...
its a bout my 'EX'....
yup,him...mohd ery bakar!!!!
act,i tau nk strt from where bloggy...
cz seems like its complicated...
do u remember i told u dat he called me on 26apr which me clrbting my fwen whos gonna leave the cmpny??stl remember dat???
after dat incident,which i clled him & we sms til i fall asleep da next day,he sms me again..
he evn told me if i want to meet him,he will be at his fwens workshop but i didnt meet him at all...
dat nite,he sms me again continue til my OFF DAY..
he clled me & asked where am i,whether im bz or not cz he was asking me out....
i said ok,& the planing was to watch movie but at last he cnxl it not bcz of he had another matter or bout his queen or wutever...
it is bcz he want to spent time with me,more time with me so we juz 'lepak' at one place which only da 2 of us...
ya,bloggy i now dat im not supposed to do dat but i dunno....
all of sudden i falls under his arm & u noe why???
bcz i miss him damn much til desperately want him....
da next day,on  my REST DAY we went to watch midnite movie & before it strt dats da moment he reveal evrythng to me....
wana noe wut??

1- he admit dat wut had happen to us was his mistake which act i knew dat but im not putting all the blame on him...

2- he admit dat we broke off bcz of his jealously yg terlmpau2 smpi dia x ble kawal sndri...

3- he admit dat bcz of his jealously,dats da reason why he terlalu mengongkong aku smpikn he stop evrythng dat i wana & like to do...

4- he admit dat olh sbb dia tkt kehlgn aku,dia tkt aku tngglkn dia sbb tu dia terlalu mengongkong aku...

5-he admit dat bcz of his LOVE towards me dats da reason why he do all the stupid mistakes...

6-he said dat slma 3 bln ktowg break,hdp dia srbt,x tntu arh,blk lwt pg,bergdh & dia x ble kawal pns brn dia,slh tgr skt,slh ckp skit abs kna penumbuk owg tu...

7- he admit dat even all his fwens realize his chges sbb dia ni bloggy,slagi ble kwl pns brn dia tu,slgi tu dia kwal...

8- he admit dat he cant hear or see dat im hanging out wit my guys fwens bcz thp ke-jeles-an dia tu terlpau tnggi,bloggy...

9- he admit dat he also cant hear dat his own fwens make joke like want to tackle me in front of him bcz his jealousy...

10- he also admit dat only me & her can chge him & becz of us he change... i dunno wut to say,bloggy...
i dunno whether im epy to hear all dis...
i dunno whether i should be proud of dis...
i dunno whether i should gv him another chance or not...
all i can say is  I CANT THINK & CANT MAKE DECISION !!!
 

::why + kenapa::

hey bloggy,i hv a great strory wana share wit u..its about him,not dat guy dat i like but da one dat i love..yes,him!!!wuts wrong??

on 26apr,me & my workmates went to karoke nk bt mcm mjls perpshn laa for one of my team mates.msa ktowg ngh mkn,suddenly i got a cll frm 1 no dat i dont regonise.after dat person asked me where i am,den he juzt said sorry for disturbing me...i was like,WTF!!so i sms dia & evn cll dia tny spa ni but no answer..so,i bg last msg tny lg skali who da hell is he??!!den he reply,sorry sbb gngu i & slh tyming msa dia cll i tu & da best part is ok sbb i x knl sora dia..from der i noe dat it was HIM...i tny dia no spa ni,dia ckp ni no bru dia & wife dia x tau ok no ni...so,i pn mcm xpala..lyn sj la...

ktowg pn sms la sbb dh lma sgt ktowg x men sms...den i tny dia mcm ne prt dia & guess wut he replied...he said dat he had a blood & stomach cancer!!!i mcm huh??!!!act,i dh mmg agk yg there is something wrong wit his stomach bcz slma aku ngn dia,he keep telling me dat perut dia skt...i did adv him so many time to do medical check up ngn doctor pkr tp mcm2 alsn dia bg...so i cm dh mls laa kn nk ckp bebyk dh sbb i pkr dia dh ada bini so let his wife do wut she need to do...im not dat surprise act bla i dpt tau brita tu,bloggy tp cuma i x sgka its a cancer...

when i woke up da next mrng im asking myself am i dreaming or something about this sms-ing??but when i check my hp,its real...i tot dat it was juz a dream...

and my question now is why he did dis to me??knp lps apa dia dh bt pd aku,knp dia cri aku blk??knp dia clled or sms aku blk lps aku dh berjya hdp tnpa dia dlm hdp harian aku??knp lps aku menph dugaan + penderitaan ni seorg bru dia cri aku blk??KENAPA = WHY??? it is juz not fair,bloggy!!!!lps apa yg aku dh lalui,lps apa yg aku tmpuhi,aku bgn + bangkit seorg dri utk melpakn apa yg telh berlaku,bloggy!!!jiwa + prasaan aku terseksa + merana sbb dia!!!hdp aku kucar-kacir sbb dia!!!tp ada dia pdli,ada dia tny,ada dia bntu aku??TIDAK!!!!!aku keseorgn tp aku ttp bersykr sbb  aku dikurniakn kwn disekeliling aku,aku dikurniakn fmly yg sntsa dicc aku x kra aku ssh ato sng...

& today,he sms me again asking where am i ptg td & i replies dat im odw to the parking car la wana go back...den u noe wut he sms me,if i want to see him go to his fren's workshop at bbst bcz he was der!!!
den i was like,harus ke aku p sna semta2 utk jmpa dia??mmg aku teramat rndu & teringn sesgt nk jmpa dia tp lps apa yg dh berlaku,x semdh tu aku nk berdpn ngn dia...kalo btl dia sbnr e yg nk jmpa aku,biar dia yg cri aku...dia bkn e x tau aku kje kt ne,bkn e x tau aku tnggl kt ne & bkn e dia x tau no hp aku...biar dia sndri yg ajk nk jmp...aku x kn seskali utk jmpa dia,bloggy!!!ati aku btl2 dh terttp utk seorg insan bernma LELAKI....

::avoid::

BLOGGY!!!!!

i really need u now!!!i think he knew laa...
knew wut??knew that i did hv a feeling for him...
owh GOSH!!!
mcm ne dia tau,aku x tau la tp kemgkn laa aku rc dia tau kt sb aku rc cm dia cba elak je dr aku...
ato pn ni sume mainan prasaan aku kt.nth laa bloggy,aku x tau...aku kompius...
aku ckp mcm tu sbb kalo aku msg,dia cm nk x nk je reply tp bla f2f len laa plk...
bengong kepala aku,bloggy!!!
mcm td,msa kt opis ngh briefing dpn bebdk ni dia ckp aku len...
len dr segi apa ee??aku ttp mcm ni,xdr pape p'ubhn pn... =(
msa aku kt ctr td pn,dia ckp lg skali la...
dia ckp aku nmpk len skunk,len msa dia tgk aku awl2...
siap pki bju ikt fit bdn bagai,aku mcm "huh??"
ngn bdk aku yg byk lemak ni dia ckp aku pki bju fit??
biar btl seh!!!!ke dia sngja nk ckp mcm tu...
setiap ari ada je dia ckp kt aku..
cra pemakaian aku len la,cra make up aku len la & mcm2 lg la...
adui aiii!!!!
mcm ne ni bloggy??!!
should i avoid him or shouldn't???

bloggy,if he really has a feeling for me he will sms or cll me rite??
but he's like nah,she is juz a sister to me...
i hate when he keep cll me "akak"...
sometym i juz want to tell him stop calling me dat!!!
but if i do so,m afraid dat he might think dat wut i told him befor was rite...
which i is his secret admire!!!!hehehheheahahhahah =0
i dunno bloggy...
or should i or shouldn't i juz tell him da truth dat i did like him..ahakz (pipiku sdh merah)..

i wish u r someone & not 'something'

plz,not him!!!!

hi bloggy...how r u??
me?can say epy + sad.wanna noe y?
epy bcz i can c him & sad bcz i noe dat evn dow i hv a feeling for him but stl we cant b together..
da reason?i think bttr its only me noe the reason...
i dont noe how my feeling rite now,bloggy..
im confused!! but im pretty sure dat when i see him,im epy evn dow i hv a bad mood on dat day..
but bloggy,mcm ne prasaan ni ble tmbl sdgkn sblm ni aku jrg ckp,aku bt x tau bla dia tgr aku..
bkn la aku bt x tau lgsg bla dia tgr tp juz lyn bla plu je la..
mksd aku,sjk bla??n why him?
plz bloggy,how am i gonna rid off dis feeling?
aku bkn laa nk lari dr prasaan aku sndri tp aku x nk sbb prasaan ni aku kecewa & hbgn rpt ant aku n dia tergngu...
yes,i noe i cant lie myself & guess wut i confess to him dat im his secret admire but he thought dat it juz a joke...
aku x tau laa sma ada dia ingt aku memain ato pn aku seyes evn dow act aku mmg seyes...
mcm ne ni bloggy??/!!!
aku x nk terprgkp ngn prasaan aku sndri,aku x nk nnt aku mnysl,aku jgk x nk dia m'jauhkn dri dia dari aku juz sbb prasaan bodoh yg tmbl nth bla ni...
aku rc spt nk m'jrt & menangis jee,bloggy sbb aku x ble nk luahkn prasaan aku ni kt sespa selain dr ko!!!....
bloggy,tlg laa aku!!aku x mau prasaan ni akn memdrtkn aku...
mcm ne aku nk m'hpskn prasaan ni...
kalo aku x lyn & bt x tau je tkt nt dia pkr len plk...
aku pnh x berckp ngn dia & dia tny knp tau pdhl x dr pape mslh pn ant aku n dia msa tu...

>aku buntu + confused + serabut + trapped!!!!<

::A coFFessIoN::

bloggy...i want to make a coffession!!

i think i like him..u noe which him,right??da guy dat i brought along to 'huahuahua' da other day..i dont noe how i felt act but when im at him,i feel so diff..huhuhuhheehhuu...<shy> u noe wut,on dat day when i saw him dance wit other girls,i felt angry n 'jeles' mayb or evn when we talked or chat bout his gf,it juz a same...owh shit,am i?i dont think so bcz i nvr tot until dis far...he did said dat he like me but i didnt take it seyesly cz i noe,whos gonna like a person like me!!!! <so wut?>

lps dia msk team aku,bloggy...aku jrg r ckp  or brk ngn dia,almklum laa..dowg ckp aku ni grg pdhl mrh dowg pn jrg...nth laa kn,mgkn msa dowg ojt tu aku grg skt kt..hahhahahaa...ok2,smbg cta..nk kta aku rpt ngn dia x la jgk tau sbb mmg jrg sgt la brk...aku bkn laa nk prasan tp ada laa aku prasan yg dia slalu mmrhtikn aku tp aku bt x tau je laa sbb aku pkr mgkn dia tgk owg len kt...dia pn x pnh ckp pape kn,so aku bt x tau je r...smpi la dia tny aku,spa gmbr lg dlm hp aku yg dia pnh ternmpk..aku pn cta laa yg on dat tym aku bru je break ngn laki aku tu kn!!!cta la kt dia tp aku juz agp adk r sbb dia pn pngl aku akk n mmg dia muda,i mean lbh muda dr aku k,so aku amk endah x endah laa kn..dia plk byk kali dk m'usk aku tp aku cm x amk seyes tau bloggy...wlpn pd hakikat e aku sernk ngn uskn dia...hahahahhaah =)

strt dr uskn tu aku ble dktakn scndlous laa ngn dia tp memain je la kn & aku plk mmg x tau lgsg yg dia dh ada gf sbb dia p nh ckp yg dia x nk pkr psl tu sume lg & dia nk tmpukn prhatian pd kerjya dia dlu..lbh krg gtu laa kn...tu yg semakin srnk aku lyn uskn dia...smpi la aku ajk dia p 'huahuahua' ari tu,tetba jerk lps dr tu aku rc len...esk e pn msa odw blk kje,ada la dia ckp dia ske kt aku tp mcm aku ckp td la..amk endah x endah je sbb aku sntsa pkr yg dia dh ada gf & sbb umo jgk...aku jdkn p'hlg utk aku terjth lg trk nnt...(eceh ayt aku,x ble blah kn bloggy)....tmbhn plk msa kt tpt tu bla aku tgk dia ngn pompuan tu aku rc cm,mmg beza ant aku ngn dia...mmg ada p'hlg ant aku sbb dia stl pngl aku 'akk' kt lua sbb tu kt...

nth laa bloggy...kalo ble aku x nk pkr lgsg psl mna laki2 & aku nk tmpukn prhtian pd hdp aku & msa dpn aku...apa yg tersirt dlm ati ni,biar aku & Dia sj yg tau...wlaumcmne pn,aku x kn seskali pkr yg akn terjd sesuatu ant aku n dia..aku x mau kecewa lg...ckp laa ngn pa yg aku dh lalui slma ni...aku dh xthn & x sgp nk m'hdpi e lg..sekra e kami dtkdrkn utk hdp bermsa,insyallah termkbul la...sekra e tdk,aku redha....aku ttp bersykr kepd Nya ngn pa yg telah Dia tkdrkn utk hdp aku....

knp aku sggh emosional mlm ni,bloggy??!! nth laa jgn tny aku sbb aku sndri x tau...aku redha jee,bloggy...apa pn,ko doakn laa aku ee....amin!!!! =)

::him::

hola beb...

guess wut??he called me ok!!! wut for??after wut he had done to me,y must he called me now??after i finally can manage to live without him,after i survive my life without him,y he called me??!! y bloggy??!!

to him;-

abg,bkn sy x gmbra ngn pngln dr abg cma sy terkjt sj...knp abg cll sy sb sy pkr abg dh lpakn sy..abg dh buang sy dr hdp abg trs lps sy cll abg ari tu...kalo abg nk tau,pd ari sy cll abg sy gmbra sesgt sbb dpt dgr sora abg wlpn kjp..tp x sgka 2nd tym sy cll,cra abg mcm lyn x lyn sy jer...
mulai pd saat tu sy dh nekad abg yg sy akn mulakn hdp bru slpn tnpa abg dicc sy...sy kna berusaha jgk,sy kna lwn jgk prasaan sy sbb smpi bla sy nk sedey psl pkra yg x bwa pape faedah pd dri sy...hny memudrtkn dri sy sj..lbh dr 3 mggu abg sy lwn prasaan,sy hadapi pa jua dugaan yg bakal sy hadapi tnpa abg & alhamdulillah,dgn izin Allah sy hampr berjya....
dan kenapa bru skunk abg cll sy??knp lps sy ampr berjya melpkn apa yg pnh berlaku ant kta,bru abg nk cll??bru abg cri sy??utk apa abg??apa utk sktkn ati sy lg??apa utk btkn hdp sy sgsra lg lps apa sy dh lalui ngn abg slma 4thn ni???tidak sma skali!!!!sy x kn izin kn....
sy berterima ksh sesgt ats jagan abg slma sy bersma abg,sy berterima ksh sesgt ats apa yg abg dh lakukn demi sy...sy hargai sgla2 e...tp sekranya abg msh menyanyangi sy,sy hrp abg dpt biarkn sy menjlni hdp sy spt skunk abg,tnpa abg,tnpa cinta kta & tnpa ksh syg abg....sy dh x mmpu nk mengeluarkn air mata utk seorg lelaki yg hny tau ckp tp x tau utk bktikn....!!!
thnkx alot abg utk sgla2 e....

abg mgkn cinta pertma sy tp abg bkn cnta terakhr sy...& kta x mgkn & x akn bersma utk slma2 e....sbb abg sdh pn bt plhn....selmt tnggl mohd azry b bakar!!!!

love u always!!!!

always thingking of this "QOUTE" cz it is has a reason y!!!!!

~suddenly!!~

hey bloggy...

act,msa kje td aku dh nk brk ngn ko tp ada byk mslh plk...sbk skt la blogy...almklum la,ada staff aku nk dh nk b'hnti kje,esk last day dia...tu yg aku bt farewell party skt utk dia...blm smpt nk brk ngn ko,tym tu laa partner aku nk bncg,ble x??last mnt bru nk bncg...hampeh btl!!!

dh plk tu,aku ngn bdk aku prepare mknn,prepare table,prepare segla2 e...yg len tau mkn tp kms x...skt ati x??!!nk mkn je,tp bla bab kms lgsg x..bdk team len yg tlg  kms...angin aku!!!dh tu plk,ble dia blah g2 tnpa kms...mcm **&&%%$ jer...lps ni nk bt mkn2 log kt opis,aku mnta maaf la...xdr mkna e dh aku nk organize..

dh tu plk,msa aku isi mnyk td,ada la 1 lori bwa kmbg..bpk busuk ok!!!!nth ke mna laa owg tu bwa kmbg tu ee..act kn,tu bkn mslh aku btl x.???hehehehehe...sbk je aku ni....den,suddenly dlm kte aku teringt kt dia..aduhhhh!!!!aku sndri x tau mcm ne leh terkeluar kenangn tu...bodoh kn aku ni...bla laaa aku dpt lpakn dia 100%,bloggy...???makin aku cba lpakn dia,makin dkt dia ngn aku...


to him:-